2 Guyz and Sum Trains Dot Com (2G) ~ 2 Guyz Dot Info

shaygetz · Joined: Feb 16, 2005 Posts: 1583

* Holiday Eating Tips*

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet

table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see

carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum

balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt

scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You

can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares

that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to

turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have

one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of

gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of

your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy . Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or

whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports

car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control

your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat

other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New

Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.

This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the

buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of

eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like

frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position

yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before

becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of

shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if

you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have

three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the

mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all costs. I mean, have

some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party

or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read

tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Have a great Christmas season!